Internet, my solace.

Internet...
Computers...
Games...

Those three words go hand in hand with each other and there is an increasing amount of people that would sit at their computer hours upon hours. I am one of those people and i am very sure my loved ones are getting tired of me going straight to my computer after work or school.

Here i am, explaining to you guys why i do this. Internet is full of strangers all over the world. Some good. Some bad. Some amazing and interesting. Some so evil. A lot of people that don't do internet or online games will say that i shouldn't trust people online because i have had few bad experiences.. but they doesn't seem to realize that the number of good experiences i have there eclipses the bad ones.

The problem with people today is that they only think about bad experiences i had instead the good ones. Let me list off good experiences i had on internet that sometimes transcends into real life, shall we?

**Me meeting my ex husband ( this is a good AND bad experience ) - i learned so much in my 12 years with him. I met him through gaia online personal ads (they removed that feature). He gave and took away my greatest joy and love, my son. But i learned how to survive.. how to fend for myself. How to be an adult. Trust is so fragile. Easily broken and hard to regain.

** My sisters and brothers online - ( you guys know who you guys are) i have met some of them and i am still planning on meeting rest of them. If it wasn't for them, i would probably blown my head off or be found dead in the tub with my wrists, neck and all main arteries cut. They keep me sane. They are words of wisdom and love. They laugh at and with me. I always look forward to spending time with them online. Talking, role playing, making plans and what not. Over the years, they grew to become my sisters and brothers of spirit and those bonds cant be broken

** Lessons I have learned- Those lessons are not necessarily bad ones but I have learned so much from interacting with different kind of people. I have learned how to be more patient, more compassionate and exercise a lot of restraints (because you guys know my mouth gets me in trouble a lot). I have learned to balance trust and how to hand them out. I have learned what is puppy love, infatuation, different layers of the loves by seeing it happening to various different people and having it happen to me as well.

** People I have met on the internet- I have met hundreds and thousands of people during my duration of my time on internet. They always provided me with laughter, smiles, shoulder to cry on, or just company when I needed it. They gave me so many ideas, things to think about. More I get to know people I run with, more I grow to care about them and they will become my friends and perhaps eventually more like spirit siblings or something else. People always cross my path for a reason. It can be a good reason like a lesson, company or whatnot or it can be a bad reason. Not everyone are terrible online.

** Relationships- I have been in quite few online relationships and they are really amazing experiences. Those men I have agreed to go into relationships with are from various different states or countries so I learn so much from each one of them. I even also learn about myself while I am with them like my preferences, what do I like and what not. I am currently in a relationship with a really awesome guy that I have met through a game and I am really happy with this man. He is always by my side and I know he will always have my back no matter what. He makes me smile. Makes me laugh. Makes me feel loved. This December, it will become a offline relationship when I finally meet him.

But the most important reason why I am always online is because....

On the internet, I am not Kelly. I cease to become that deaf woman. I become Kateri. I become Kestral. Caitlyn. Nemesis. All of my alias. I become this person that can communicate with everyone without any barriers. People won't treat me any differently and won't know that I am deaf unless I reveal that kind of information about them. The difference between online people and real life people is that.. online people won't care because there won't be any communication barriers at all.

"Oh? you are deaf? That's awesome. This is the song that is playing. (Insert song name here). Google the lyrics. Its really soothing/upbeat/whatever" song" <-- just an example

With real life people, I have noticed that hearing people DO get conscious when they realize that I am deaf and will focus entirely on my "disability" instead of just going with the flow and treat me normal like online people.

With online people, I am always included in conversations. I am always aware of what is going on because its all words on the screen. It might be just words on the screen but those words are coming from people all over the USA, Canada, Mexico, other countries. They make connections with me just like I make connections with them.

I am at my most happiest when I am online because I can relax. Be myself. Without any aggravations of communication barriers and just be like other people out there.

So before you look at me and accuse me of being an internet addict or anyone else, take those kind of reasons into consideration. Because I know people don't notice they are doing it to me but they are. They exclude me. They treat me with awkwardness. The communication barrier is right there and its usually me that have to break through it instead of them doing that first.

On the internet, I am just a regular person. No disabilities at all. Enjoying my time with the people that enjoys the same things I do.